The story of my man-crush

Posted by: Elyse

Christie told me that I wasn't allowed to post without pictures anymore because she thinks that you're all illiterate dummies who are drawn in by colors and flashy things only, so take that up with her.

This post has literally nothing to do with snuggies but I was terrified of getting the belt so... Let me tell you something embarassing.  So there's this big, strapping, manly, buff, deep voiced, long haired, chiseled faced, big black truck driving young man that I've been steeeeezin on hard for like ever.  Just kidding, probably like a few months. But only realistically like a week and a half since my last dickhead boyfriend left me for his ex girlfriend....... I digress.

So I work at a bank and he only comes inside the bank to visit my 50 yr old coworker with whom he flirts harder than he ever does with me, or if he loses his debit card.  So here I am, every time he comes in, all red-faced and sweaty but trying to be adorable and bat my eyes at him and praying my boobies look alluring yet professional.  He strooooollllls in all sexy the other day and I think I'm being adorable when I'm like "Hey Fabio (His name's not Fabio, but confidentiality is important in my job), you must need something because you came inside (ahhhhhhhhhhh that's what she said! couldn't resist)!"  And I flash my pearly whites at him, and he smiles his straight outta heaven smile back but then says.............

"Oh man, you're exactly like kmy mom!"

WOMMMMMMMMMP WOMMMMMMMMMMMMP. epic fail. And that's how I'm going to end the story because it is that much of an epic failure.

Clean your balls with AXE

Posted by: Christie



While I was getting ready for work this morning and watching Saved by the Bell per usual, this commercial came on.  I thought to myself wow AXE, you've really out done yourself with this one.  I mean, I can appreciate a clean, fresh smelling pair of balls as much as the next girl, but really? How do these commercials make it past the executive think tanks?  I imagine a bunch of n00bs in suits sitting at a long table throwing ideas around and one says "lets make our next product a ball cleaner" and even better "lets make the commercial a metaphor about how effective it is and star Jamie Pressly in it" and then the dim witted CEO thinks it's the best idea ever and tells them to get to work on it. Sigh. I wonder if any women work in marketing over at AXE.

LOL drunk elyse

Posted by: Elyse

yeah soooo tonight i did my usual stint, which includes me sitting alone at the bar for an extended period of time. I personally have no problem with sitting alone at the bar, in fact I find it rather empowering. Only because you guys dont know my drunk antics. And first of all, despite my gross age (25), I still get REAL hammered at the bar on random nights. Take tonight for example, a Wednesday. But usually when I roll home on a weekend day from the previous night's bender, my dad is there in the wings, waiting to check if I have on yesterday's make up and outfit, looking like a hellish prostie. Then he procedes to ask me if I'm "Charlie Sheen-ing it," which basically means "are you so hung over that you can't function and look like you crawled out of a sewer in west Hollywood?" You know it, dad. Be proud


Hang on, I could be eating Cheez Doodles while I'm writing this....

I actually don't know where I was going with this because now I'm so distracted by Arnold Palmer, which I love almost as much as the High life that put me in this state, as well as the Cheez Doodles I found in the cabinet, so I'll totes get back to you guys tomorrow. If I remember. Or if I'm not napping.

Hardcore hugz to all reading because it makes me feel like I'm not alone in my random weeknight drunkenness, but that I'm in a huge circle hug screaming a Journey song w/ my best buds.

I guess I should clear Christie's name and let you all know it's Elyse.
xo HxC

With a name like Sponjetta....

Posted by: Christie



Just sitting here wondering why this girl didn't win the entire America's Got Talent competition.

If there was a Sarah Palin look-a-like contest, this chick would definitely win.

Posted by: Christie

Going into Tuesday night's contest to secure the Republican nomination for the seat, Christine O'Donnell and Mike Castle were battling amid extraordinary accusations of dishonesty and questionable mental stability.

Miss O'Donnell, a 41-year-old marketing consultant, had moved neck and neck with Mr Castle, a Congressman and former governor of the state, after she received the endorsement of Sarah Palin, the Tea Party's most influential figurehead, and funding from the Tea Party Express, a key group in the anti-tax movement.

But she has faced a string of embarrassing revelations and allegations about her past and been branded disruptive and divisive, in spite of the backing of Mrs Palin, the former governor of Alaska who was John McCain's running mate in the last presidential election.
Sauce

So I was running on the treadmill this evening and I happened to glance up at the TV and saw what I thought was Sarah Palin. Alas, I was mistaken. It was however, another Republican, Tea Party enthusiast who is probably Palin's secret twin sister from the east coast also hellbent on running the country. And look at that, she's even endorsed by Palin.  As if one Sarah Palin wasn't enough.  But then again, maybe this O'Donnell bitch will get big and do something stupid and SNL will bring back Tina Fey to impersonate her. That's really the only good thing I could see coming out of this situation.

Okay, so there's your dose of politics for this week, also consider it the last, not trying to get too serious here.

<3HxC

DEATH METAL ROOSTER

Posted by: Elyse



Welcome to Death Metal Rooster.  This is by far my favorite thing that I've ever found on the interwebs.  Like, are you kidding me??  This is the most badass animal on the planet.  You could give a great white shark a fucking UZI and a hand grenade and have it chomp on a baby and death metal rooster would look at it, giggle and kick some dirt around nonchalantly with his talons.  So metal.

I wish I could be like, yeah I think I saw these guys once on tour with the Acacia Strain.  DMR (Death Metal Rooster) rolls up in a stretch hummer and the Acacia Strain bow down before him crying.  JK, I love you guys, gimme a free sweatshirt.

Cockadoodle doo.
xo HxC

Hump Day Treats

Posted by: Christie


Eric Prydz- Call On Me. 
Prydz's monster club track from 2004. 

I listen to this song at least once every time I go to the gym, which lately, has been quite a bit. However, when I go to the gym I am dressed nothing like these girls, I mean really how serious can your workout get if you're wearing a thong and are trying to not be distracted by an insane wedgie the entire time. Same thing with girls who don't wear hairties at the gym...I'm definietly not gonna be taking your workout seriously.

Now I just gotta figure out a way to get this sexy video on to my ipod so it can be audibly and visually pleasing at the same time.

And if remixes are more your thing, well then here you go... (there's no actual video but the song is good all the same).



Chris Brown feat. Eva Simmons-Pass Out. 

Anyways, happy hump day bitches!

-HxC

I judge people based on what characters they play as in Mario Kart 64

Posted by: Christie

Well , now that that asshole had to go and post first while I was fancying up the blog, I feel like it's going to be a tough introduction to follow.  Right about now I feel like I just walked into my middle school class with what I think is going to be the top project of the entire class, only to have someone who's whole entire presentation is just epically better than yours go before you and ruin your day.  Oh well. Here goes...

That was Elyse and I'm Christie. One night while wasting most of our time on the internet like we do every night and looking at random shit/creepin' facebook/repetitively going on other peoples great websites, we decided to make one of our own.  Since all the videos/celeb news/naked photos are on the web anyways, we'll try to provide a more compact space for all the stuff we think will make you lol, and if not, we'll at least be making ourselves lol in the process.

However, I must warn you that I'm just as lazy as Elyse and while we'll try our best to update daily there are no promises. That is unless the demand increases, in which case we'll both be willing to quit our shitty day jobs to blog and laugh our ass off all day.

We hope you enjoy our little side project/distraction while we're busy not applying for grad school/taking the MTELs/all the things we should be doing besides wasting time on the internet.

-HxC

I couldn't even wait for that ho Christie to finish this page.

Posted by: Elyse

Hello readers who don't even know that you will become obsessive daily subscribers! My name is Elyse, and I just wanted to introduce myself and let you know a little about me.  Besides the fact that I worship Miller High Life (free advertising alert, but if I get famous off this shit you're gunna have to slap an ad on my page millerbitches), pretend that I'm a professional during the day at my bank job, live with my parents at the ripe age of 25, and snuggle up to my sweet orange creamsicle of a cat, Jake, every night.... ugh, nevermind, I just told you way too damn much.  You're gunna find out all the important (fun) stuff by reading this blog anyway.

One important fact that I will elaborate on so that you don't get your hopes up for excessive posting is the fact that I'm basically the laziest person you'll ever meet.  Besides deciding to do this blog with Christie, the most proactive thing I've done in months is hop on a class action lawsuit against my old employer to get some sweet free money that I did not deserve.  Oh, and when Christie decided to start the blog, all I had to offer was "you do the fancy shmancy internet domain stuff, I'm gunna go smoke a cigarette, be back in 7 mins."

Elyse's laziness also includes choosing just one sacred day every two weeks or so to shave my legs.  For example, if I wanted to do it on a Wednesday because I was feeling saucy, I'd probably put it off until the weekend on the chance that some random dude might end up stroking these stems.  Because god forbid I take a razor to the puppies twice in one week. (Not that I have poor hygiene, don't be repulsed, I'm pretty hot).

But boy let me tell you, when I put forth the effort to roll over in my queen sized bed and face my laptop (and close facebook for 5 seconds), do I LOVE laying the smack down in a sarcastic manner on all kinds of stuff.  I feel like it's really going to be an inspiring creative outlet and a way to display my unique and exquisitely sophisticated writing style.  It's almost like living my dream of getting my masters degree in public history and contributing articles of great importance for american historical journals..................... alllllllmost.

So now that I'm good and depressed, I'll go lay down and dream about some clever shit to say tomorrow. Nice to meet you!

xo, HxC