Posted by: Elyse
Sunday, February 20, 2011
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
tis a scary world we live in
Posted by: Elyse
I really didn't even wanna mention this, because my fiery hatred for everything lady gaga usually prohibits me from talking about her and giving her the publicity she so desperately craves, but..... seriously with the fucking egg? I really almost vomited. Like, who the fuck is this weirdo. That is not artsy, or creative, or innovative, it's just goddamn stupid. She looks like such a fool ALL THE TIME. I know I'm gunna alienate some of my own fans with this one, but cut the bologna with this garbage. She thinks she's sooooo different because she strolls around wearing like extraterrestrial uterine lining pants and dances like shes having a seizure.
And if I hear one more person say that she's gunna be around as long as Madonna, then that is it. It's bad enough staring at Madonna's 60 year old terrifying man arms, I'm gunna have to stare at that pseudo-penis that gaga has tucked back that flopped out on stage once? WHEN SHE'S 60???? Hell no. If this is the state of music and music to come, then I'm telling you, the SECOND they declare Mars inhabitable, I am on the first rocket ship farthest away from Lady Gaga. And although she'll probably by flying a rocket ship around like its some new trendy car by then, the only people that are allowed to come to Mars with me are Sebastian Bach and the Acacia Strain. End scene.
And if I hear one more person say that she's gunna be around as long as Madonna, then that is it. It's bad enough staring at Madonna's 60 year old terrifying man arms, I'm gunna have to stare at that pseudo-penis that gaga has tucked back that flopped out on stage once? WHEN SHE'S 60???? Hell no. If this is the state of music and music to come, then I'm telling you, the SECOND they declare Mars inhabitable, I am on the first rocket ship farthest away from Lady Gaga. And although she'll probably by flying a rocket ship around like its some new trendy car by then, the only people that are allowed to come to Mars with me are Sebastian Bach and the Acacia Strain. End scene.
didn't i promise 2011 was the year of the blog?
Posted by: Elyse
Yeah well, I lied. I can never remember to and when I do think of something crafty to blog about, I don't write it down on a post it and then I forget what I wanted to blog about.
But this fine evening, I ran into my buddy Stefan (of course while I was buying like 9 million tampons. Why does that always happen?) and the best part is that I've met him probably only like 2 or 3 times but he and his wonderful lady are avid readers of hardcore hugz. Like, that is how they know me mostly. Through my embarassing, ridiculous rants on this blog. So I feel bad for my like, 5 readers when I don't blog.
While rubbing my ego and giving me an ego boner about how funny I am, he suggested that I do stand up! I was like noooo way I wouldn't know what to do with myself! Like, stand up comedians pre-write funny things, don't they? I could never do that. My stand up would work like this. I'd get on stage, get on the mic, and be like hey guys so what do you wanna talk about. No wait, back up the soul train. I'd power down a 12-er of high life and THEN get on stage. And then power down more. And then I'd feel really awkward because I can't be funny unless I sit down in front of my laptop for about 90 years and rewrite every sentence 3 times. But you know what, the right amount of high life makes most things inspirational. I'm willing to give it a whirl, but not willing to put any effort into it. Someone book me a show somewhere, buy me high life, and bring every person you know. Let's do this.
Yeah well, I lied. I can never remember to and when I do think of something crafty to blog about, I don't write it down on a post it and then I forget what I wanted to blog about.
But this fine evening, I ran into my buddy Stefan (of course while I was buying like 9 million tampons. Why does that always happen?) and the best part is that I've met him probably only like 2 or 3 times but he and his wonderful lady are avid readers of hardcore hugz. Like, that is how they know me mostly. Through my embarassing, ridiculous rants on this blog. So I feel bad for my like, 5 readers when I don't blog.
While rubbing my ego and giving me an ego boner about how funny I am, he suggested that I do stand up! I was like noooo way I wouldn't know what to do with myself! Like, stand up comedians pre-write funny things, don't they? I could never do that. My stand up would work like this. I'd get on stage, get on the mic, and be like hey guys so what do you wanna talk about. No wait, back up the soul train. I'd power down a 12-er of high life and THEN get on stage. And then power down more. And then I'd feel really awkward because I can't be funny unless I sit down in front of my laptop for about 90 years and rewrite every sentence 3 times. But you know what, the right amount of high life makes most things inspirational. I'm willing to give it a whirl, but not willing to put any effort into it. Someone book me a show somewhere, buy me high life, and bring every person you know. Let's do this.
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