ummm excuse me?

Posted by: Elyse

Someone get me this! NOW! but like do it on the sly, because I really love my dad and I don't want him to disown me or kick me out of the family for so badly coveting thy AFC East divisional rival's quarterback.  Get it delivered to my PO Box in discreet packaging, like when you order sex toys or dirty dvds.  Then text me the exact location of Ryan Fitzpatrick and his actual beard, but do it several days ahead of time because I need to shave my legs and I'm wicked lazy.  IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK FOR BLOG READERS?????