Almost forgot!

Posted by: Elyse


OH YEAH, I also saw the Acacia Strain this weekend!  And if you thought that would make me shut up about them finally, well you are wrong. So sorry.  Um, it was badass, they're set was like... ok.  They didn't have any acacia strain stole xmas shirts for me, and I was the only- and i mean ONLY- asshole in that venue dressed up as a zombie. But I got hammerfaced and rocked my balls off and still don't have a voice.  And then I ate a bunch of pizza and shook my ass like a lady of color/stripper at another bar.  Just thought I should let you guys know that I now have two a-holes because The Acacia Strain ripped me a new one.  <3

NEW FAVE GAME!

Posted by: Elyse


So I'm at the bar with my sexy boyfriend the other day and he asks the two bartenders if they've ever played "Wizard Staff."  Instantly I'm like, ew babe! these people are going to think you're some sort of sex offender, what in god's name is wizard staff?  Turns out it has nothing to do with clanking penises together, it's the ideal drinking challenge and a fantastic party/conversation starter.

You drink canned beer all night and every time you finish one, you duct tape your new beer on top of your empty.  Then you just keep building up and up. Like so:

Fuckin awesome, right???  So imagine after like 7 or 8 beers, this thing gets pretty tall.  I whacked one of my friends in the boob, someone else took it in the face.  But after a while you can conveniently just hold your wizard staff and its at like, hip level.  I am in love with this game.  It also allows people to see what a testosterone fueled male I am when it comes to pounding down the high lifes.  I'm like oh, how does your third wine cooler taste? I'm on like, my 10th beer. Don't believe me?  Count my friggen staff.  More beers=more wisdom.

Fair warning about this game, besides accidentally tapping all your friends bum bums.  If you've seen Borat once or 15 times, this game's name might slip off your tongue as "wizard sleeve."  I think I said that a few times last night.  "I'm playing wizard sleeve you guys!!!"  No.  Wrong.  No gaping vaginas here.  Just a party trick that would make Dumbledore proud. RIP.

My name would be cooler if I played pro football.

Posted by: Elyse

Reason # 8293579382753 why football is the best sport ever:  It has the unsurpassed ability to make pretty much anyone's name sound epic.  There are so many countless examples of names in the NFL that people would never bat an eye at in real life or that would be way too ridiculous for your average cubicle worker......

Take for example Percy Harvin.  If you named your kid that, can you imagine what life would be like for him in ohhh... say about 6th grade?  The only thing I can associate the name Percy with is that little pug dog from the animated Disney classic, Pocahontas.  Yeah.  But stick Mr. Harvin in a purple uniform and a helmet with viking horns on it, and the name sounds sooooo epic and cool.

He falls into the category of "Names that would doom your child to coke bottle glasses and pocket protectors  until they become professional football players."  Next to Percy, clutching their chemistry textbooks would be Donald Driver, Dwayne Bowe, Clinton Portis and possibly Roddy White. Oh and most DEF Mario Manningham. bahahahah.  Poor kids.  Thank god most of you are now enormous and filthy rich.

Then you have the dudes whose names I know I would never be creative enough to come up with, but are so damn cool that OF COURSE they're gunna be pro athletes.  Oh, hi, Austin Collie, Pierre Garcon (well, duh, you're a frenchman) and Miles Austin.  Since Kim Kardashian wants to S all of your D's then you must be in the cool name club.

There's also your automatic BALLLLERRRRSSS who are named after (or similarly to) luxury cars.  Marcedes Lewis,  Cadillac Williams.  Are you kidding me???? I hope he gets free Cadillacs forever even though I'm sure he could afford like 9 escalades anyway. Or he's probably gunna buy the company when he retires. At age 38. >: /

I mean, my theory isn't foolproof.  Tony Romo, for example.  Um.... no offense but he's very plain jane.  I'd expect a lot more from a dude named Tony Romo, like possibly a blowout haircut, some fist pumping and a plate full of meatballs in front of him? Just saying....

So to sum it up, if you think you're name is average, just learn how to tackle 280 lb men or launch/catch a football 75 yards and it'll be awesome.  And no, Chad Ochocinco does not get a shoutout because he's a huge douche.

Tis the season

Posted by: Christie

Terrified? it's probably 'cause you grabbed a snickers

Posted by: Christie




So I saw this commercial earlier in October and wanted to blog about it but I couldn't find it so I was waiting until some rando put it up on the youtube so I could share it with you guys.  Not really sure if Snickers was trying to be terrifying because it's Halloween or thinks terrifying is the new funny.

Also, if this commercial wasn't bizarre enough for you and you were looking to get super creepy this holiday, you can purchase the costume here SNICKERS Halloween AD Costume  for a mere $220 or more bid you can be suspected as your new neighborhood sex offender!

Either way, give it a looksee while I go transfer all my stock in Snickers to Reeses.

boooo nickelback

Posted by: Elyse


Much thanks to my friend Erin, I came into contact with this hilarious parody video of Nickelback's "Photograph."  There are three peeps I hate most in this world.  One is Peyton Manning.  Two is the person who outbid me on what should have been my awesome "the acacia strain stole christmas" shirt. and most of all is three, Nickelback.  And any generic band that sounds exactly like them.  I cannot believe these fools make money and that people out there legit ENJOY them.  What an embarassment to music.  This dude sounds like he smoked Capri 120s his entire life, and the rest of the band knows about one chord.  Yeah? you wanna be a "rockstar?"  Well here's a tip.  Actual rock stars don't write songs about how they want to drive fancy cars and hang out with pretty girls.  They write brutal metal riffs and people like them without them having to beg via easy listening rock radio.

So needless to say I get very excited when someone puts them in their place with a hilarious parody.  Just the way this dude in the video sounds like him cracks me up so hard.  Anyone can be Chad Kroeger, except probably not as hideous and not without three bottles of sprunch spray for their hair.  Enjoy.

i heart my bed.

Posted by: Elyse

So everyone loves their own bed right? But I REALLLLLLY love my bed.  It's a queen sized super mega pillow top. There's like 9 inches of top on this beast.  It surrounds your body like a fluffy cloud of comfort, like you laid down upon hundreds of fuzzy bunnies playing in goose down with cotton candy.  And my pillows are out of this world squishy comfy amazing.  They never ever get flat.  And I only use flannel sheets and extra soft blankies.  Which I wash all of on sheet washing sundays.  So, long story short, I'm legit obsessed with my bed.  If I'm not at work, or the bar, then I'm in my bed.  Christie gives me shit all the time because like every time we skype or even talk, I'm just laying in my bed. Just like this:

And she laughs at me because I must seem like the biggest sloth ever.  Most of the time I'm not wearing pants either so I gotta make sure I don't shift around or it'll be like a chat roulette sesh gone bad.  I'm actually really surprised that I don't have bedsores from this endless love connection between me and ye ole pillowtop.  Ok gotta go roll around in my flannels and dream of being in my bed while I'm in my bed.

The hills are alive with the sound of music....

Posted by: Christie

>:\

Posted by: Elyse

Dear Sunchips,

I get what your new bags are trying to do for the environment, and like, I'm all about it.  I love the environment.  I always put my cigarettes out in my ashtray and empty it properly and like I recycle my high life bottles on the reg and I drive a compact SUV as opposed to a friggen Hummer, but for real? with this new bag???? The idea is that all the hippies who eat sunchips are gunna cream themselves bc the bag biodegrades if you throw it out the car window. I mean if you compost it.  First of all, who composts in their back yard besides farmers and people with serious vegetable gardens?  The average Joe or Elyse does not need a biodegradable bag of chips.

My biggest complaint is that when I stroll home semi or full blown drunk and there is a tasty bag of harvest cheddar or garden salsa sunchips in my cabinet, this new "compostable" bag does NOTHING for my stealth mode abilities.  You could pick up the bag of chips with your thumb and index finger sooooo daintily and it sounds like you're stepping on bubble wrap while waving around a flag made of tinfoil in gale force winds.  Way to wake up my mom and dad, Sunchips, when I'm trying to pretend like I'm not drunkenly snacking at 2am when I roll home from the bar.  When I have to pretend like I don't have a hangover the next day because I drove home and the rents hear me come in at all hours of the night, I'll remember this.  I'm not buying you anymore.

i'll just leave this right here

Posted by: Christie

pwned.

meet my husband.

Posted by: Elyse
*WARNING* This post may contain vulgarity because duhhhh.....
In keeping up with my typical badass themed posts, I'd like everyone to introduce themselves to the most badass man who (I wish) ever roamed the planet.  Al Swearengen.  For those of you who have never watched HBO's Deadwood, I'm gunna strongly suggest that you get into it or we can't be friends anymore.  I know I've been assaulting you with video clips lately, but just sit through these two minutes and your jaw will hit the ground with admiration.



He punches dudes in the face for no reason.  Not even the dumbass who messed up, but the unsuspecting one who LET him mess up.  And OF COURSE Al runs a saloon full of beat up vagina and whiskey and guns and ohhhh man.  This dude is like a twisted history major's biggest badass idol.  If Al Swearengen lived right now, he'd be my creepy older sugar daddy and I know for a fact he'd listen to the Acacia Strain with me and pay for my tattoos and stuff.  And get in bar fights.  If you've ever heard the words "Pussy's half off for the next 15 minutes" roll as smoothly off someone's tongue before, then you are a cooler person than me. Anyone have a time machine I can borrow?

skid row < 3

 Posted by: Elyse

I'm on a youtube frenzy but this strikes a whole different chord. no goofy chipmunks here. Just pure admiration and love. SKID EFFIN ROW.  Now I know everyone is like "oooooh, I love monster ballads soooo much!"  but in reality the only one they've ever heard is every rose has it's thorn (what what bret michaels).  I legit grew up on this stuff because my dad has been a world class badass since day one.  My entire childhood is listening to 107.3 WAAF out of Worc, MA and head banging to megadeath and metallica and the scorpions and cinderella and whitesnake and deep purple and tesla..... the list could go on and on.  That's undoubtedly why to this day I am a slave to brutal metal.  But when metal used to be romantic? sigh.

Anyway, here's my favorite jam. And believe you me, if someone kicked me hard in the vagina and I could hit the notes like Sebastian Bach, I'd be belting this song out hard at karaoke.  You can and should watch the entire thing just so that you'll be singing this song for the next 5 days, but if not, I have selected a few choice moments for you to focus on.



2:36 in.  The way that he says "Promise that we Mayyy-eeee-aaaade" makes me close my eyes and scrunch my face and make my metal face, all while reaching for my leather pants. And then 4:23.... and actually anything after 4:23 too.  They just rip into it so hard.  This makes me want to remember YOU. yes, you.

this will never get old.

Posted by: Elyse





Out of the roughly 219,000 hours of my life thus far, I have probably spent about 2% of them watching this clip on repeat.  Just hear some shocking news? Dramatic chipmunk.  Your mom finds a random dude's boxers in your laundry? Dramatic chipmunk.  You find out your high school religion teacher was banging a sophomore student? Dramatic chipmunk.  The scenarios are endless.  The clip is only 5 seconds. You do the math. Like I had to do to figure out roughly how many hours I've been alive.

Where are they now: Little Rascals Edition

Posted by: Christie

Interestingly enough Alfalfa seems to be the most normal looking one. Darla is reppin the west side these days.  And its really great to see Spanky holding down a job at Wal-mart now.

america! fuck yeh!

Posted by: Elyse


SO i'm fucking hajmmred. i dont' even have a pic to offer you guys. i'm so just fucking excited that those dudes arent trapped down in a mine anymore. bc seriously? that shit must have sucked balls. hard.

those mothereffers suffered without real mcdonalds or arbys or taco bell or showers or for real toilets or aything for 69 days. and nothing against nasa but i was at the bar for like 4 hours tonight and in that time they pulled out like 10 of those bros frmo the depths of the seriousness. (so on the real, they could have done it soooooooooo much sooner). but if these dudes take nothing else away from this experience, its how to grow a gnarly beard and be WAY MORE FUCKING BADASS THAN ANYONE ON THE PLANET. they deserve foot/penis massages for the rest of their lives. i could never compete. Every high life i drank tonight was for one of the chilean miners. so that means i drrank 33. sounds about right. xoxoxoxooxoxox miners!!!!!!!!!!!

Make your penis fat and harder for longer! Debt consolidation! Gambling!

Posted by: Christie

"if the internet was a real place, it would be disgusting and intolerable"

Today, we're all Chilean

Posted by: Christie




The Chilean miner rescue in terms nerds can understand.


sauce

Gym Etiquette

Posted by: Christie

So I'd like to think I've been going to the gym enough lately to finally judge the judgment free zone.

Let's start with something I noticed in the parking lot while walking out tonight.

Now, while I have no problem with the handicapped folks getting their fitness on, I was slightly confused as to how you could possess a handicap sticker and still be attending the gym regularly enough to not be able to walk to it from regular parking spots, just sayin'.

Next is mostly directed at the girls. If you're wearing jewelry, makeup, or don't have a hair tie in, you can't possibly be working out hard enough to actually burn enough calories to even bother being at the gym.  The gym is there so you can sweat out the three extra cookies you ate at lunchtime, not to meet your future date for friday night.  Besides, anyone that you don't want seeing you without your makeup/jewelry on/hair down is probably not someone you want to be waking up next to for the rest of your life anyways.

Moving along.

 Leave these at home.  I was lifting weights the other day and literally watched a lady walk around the gym talking on her cell phone the entire time.  If you feel awkward walking around the gym without a friend to constantly be gabbing with, get an ipod, or get a friend.

In closing, the last thing I highly recommend not doing is bringing your girlfriend/boyfriend to the gym with you.  I literally watched two highschoolers in love twirling around the center of the gym touching and kissing the entire time. Really?  Nobody wants to see that. We've come to the gym to work on our bodies so we can feel good about ourselves when we do things like that in the dark, (and maybe if we burn enough cals that week to leave the light on).  But PDAing all over everyone's faces is just unacceptable.

Please, heed my advice.  Because although they say it's a judgment free zone, in actuality, we're judging the shit out of you.

It's spooky time, bitches.

Posted by: Elyse

Thank the sweet baby jesus for awesome people who know how to organize kick ass halloween events. my friend is getting everyone together for a haunted hayride dealy-o and I am soooo super psyched because I was nervous that these things didn't exist around here.  Have you guys even been to a haunted forest or a haunted hayride??? sooo fun!  But also, a little nerveracking. here's why.

So this dude I know who shall remain nameless used to work at this haunted forest that was near my old stomping grounds. I'd go a few times a year, poop my pants a little, scream like a bitch a little, but it was always fun.  Anyway, I find out that this guy I know used to be the  crazy ahole who runs around after you with the bladeless chainsaw.  Annnnnd he also tells me that he used to do it all fucked up on tons of drugs. Like... WHAT?!  What if he was so effed up one night that he forgot to take the chain thingy off? or, like, whatever inflicts chainsaw damage, IDK I'm not an Axe man.

And then knowing that little tidbit kinda makes me think about who are the rest of these creeps that work at these things?  Walk through the foggy mist to Pedophile Dracula's lair.  He probably pushes his coffin open with his massive erection as soon as he sees terrified preteen girls.  Or what about furry bukake werewolf?  I don't even want to think about what is matted into his mane, or where his grabby paws have been.  I mean, what other job so perfectly suits a rapist/molester/creepaleep more than one where they get to hide their face and identity in a costume and quietly lurk around and follow people.  No one can see their eyeballs, faces, boners, semen stains in the dark forests of halloween.

I am so thoroughly creeped out now. I just creeped myself out.  Happy Halloween, take candy from strangers!

PS. now that I wrote that and look back at the picture I used..... is he carving up penises???? or feet?

FURIOUS at 8am

Posted by: Elyse

I am fucking furious. I've been working two jobs, being busy as hell and then still partying so hard whenever I can.  So this little lady is TIRED. SO tired.  Like, even been blowing off my boyfriend to sleep.  Sleep is so very precious to me.  So I'm all excited because that jerk off Columbus ruined the Native Americans' entire existence but also provided a bank holiday. So I didn't have to work either job today and my goal was to sleep until like noon.  I swore last night that if I woke up before 8am, my liver was going to take a beating from a bottle of nyquil.

This fine morning, I'm all snuggied up in my blankies in my cave of darkness bc I have one of those awesome, impervious to light pull down shades, and all of a sudden I'm awoken.  

CAW. CAW. CAW.  Ok, you fucking crow, that's cute. Now stop.

CAWCAW CAW CAWCAWCAW CAW CAW CAWWW CAW CAW.  This motherfucker KEPT making that godawful noise.  I finally pry my eyes open and peek out my shade and there he is.  This lone black crow sitting directly outside my window FUCKING CAWING AT ME. It's like, bro, where are your friends? Go fly around and caw so that I only hear you in passing and can go back to bed. And then I do the unthinkable and check my blackberry.  7:57am.  And he proceded to do it until 8:05am. EIGHT SOLID MINUTES of cawing.  That's when I turned into the Hulk.

Oh, hell no, bird.  I shoot my ass out of bed, in nothing but my skanky undies and a wifebeater, and barrel down the stairs.  Grab a Chuck Taylor out of the closet and whip open my front door.  I fired that sneaker at Mr. Crow soooo hard.  It was a narrow miss, but he got the point.  He ca-cawed his ass right out of my front yard.  I still haven't retrieved my sneaker, but I also couldn't fall back asleep so I ate a bunch of cold pizza and a tater tot omelet.  I might get my hunting permit today and shoot every fucking crow in Schoharie county.

things i found while looking for my social security card.

Posted by: Elyse


I'm on the hunt.  I can't find my effin social security card to save my life, and the last time I used it was at the NYS DMV. I thought that place was hell in Massachusetts, fuggetabouuuuuttitttt. They probably stole it.  Regardless, my super new job wants a photocopy of it and I'm hoping since two weeks went by they'll just forget it because I just tore my room apart looking for it.  Unsuccessful.  BUT I did find a whole bunch of other gems..... come on a pictoral adventure with me? (Also I'm comp illiterate so you're gunna have to tilt your head to view these. deal with it.)

ahhhh, my farewell letter from my CHREEEESTIAN. complete with spiderwebs and rockets because.... well. i don't really know. <3 

this sweet ass miniature ash tray with creepy spooky owl eyeballs that is definitely heavily used, but not since I've been in the smoke free zone.  Outside in this rugged upstate New York weather, the Jolly Green Giant and his can o' string beans hold up much better.

Not just any mad libs..... GOOFY mad libs.  See the goofy guy giving bunny ears???  And they have silly glasses/nose disguises.  They are so goofy.

this was how disorganized westfield Elyse used to try to remember to pay her bills. I folded it in half bc after the month of November 2008, it looks like I gave up on bills altogether.  Until I acquired about 3 more credit cards.

speaking of money that I owe people, check out this warrant for my arrest.  Yeah I was convinced for about 8 months that since I didn't technically live in Massachusetts anymore (even though I had not changed over my registration or license to NY) that I didn't have to pay my excise tax.  Gov. Patrick was NOT down with that shit.

DO YOU REMEMBER THESE THINGS????  Me and my friend stephanie made this one at work like... 3 years ago. My favorite fortune inside reads "You will soon meet a man who is single, straight, working, not 35, doesn't start bar fights, doesn't do laundry at 3am with a girl who is just a friend, and is possibly a member of glassjaw." awwww, steph, dreams DO come true!

this is Muffy, my fave cracked out looking stuffed animal of all time. Cat is ZOOTED, all kinds of hopped up on that kitty cocaine n'ahmeans?

mmmmm where have YOU been all my life Mr. McGillicuddy? Oh, what's that? Oh, you have your phd! I'm so sorry.... DOCTOR McGillicuddy is it.

?????

mmmmm and then I found this hershey bar.  I have no idea how old it is but guess what, I ate it. And then washed it down with some vanilla McGillicuddy's.  Wait, what was I looking for again?

Results may vary: The Prescription Drug Side-Effects Megamix

Posted by: Christie

I'm glad somebody finally put a compilation like this together. These ads along with other prescription ads basically take up 60% of commercial space on TV.  If you really listen to what they say the side effects are, it's pretty terrifying considering the problems you could give yourself by trying to solve an already large set of problems. If the blood clots and dry mouth don't get you, the increased likelihood of a gambling addiction or suicidal thoughts will. The craziest part is they openly tell you that these things could happen and yet most of the country is taking them regularly despite the fact.  It's like, hey, you could take these prescriptions and hope for the best and maybe your depression will go away or you could actually make your situation much worse and might have to sit home being depressed after you lose all your money gambling or a blood clot has you bedridden. Wouldn't that just be depressing.

MS paint is still a beautiful thing.

Posted by: Christie

HAS ANYONE SEEN THIS GIRL?????????

SHE'S MISSING!

and if she doesn't show up to blogland with an MHL in hand pretty soon, hardcorehugz shall be MINE and MINE ALONE muahahhahahahahahahahha..............

really, bret michaels?

Posted by: Elyse

ok, so I love me some reality TV just as much as the next drunk bloke.  sign me up for an all day America's Next Top Model marathon and I'm in it to win it...... but for real????? wtf is the appeal of this guy?

Bret Michaels.  Oh man.  When your only claim to fame is being one of the easiest Halloween costumes in the world to replicate (besides lady whorega), just bury me.  For real, throw on a blonde wig and a bandana and some tight jeans and TA-DA, you're Bret Michaels, I would laugh at myself.

This broski not only gets ONE reality tv show, but two??? I could understand before when it was a bunch of washed up whores wanting to bang someone from an 80s hair band, that was totally acceptable.  I loved Bret Michaels when he was skanking it up with a bunch of extension and corset wearing sluts trying to find true love. But back up the soul train, because someone tell me when this dude became such the family man????

So in order to get 9 reality shows basically,VH1, what you're telling me is that I have to first, be a slut, then have a brain hemmorage, then a stroke, then an OD of viagara, then a vagina transplant, then a stroke, then a penis wax......... annnnd.... I'm good for syndication? Wait, I have to go on tour somewhere in there with Miley Cyrus and her stank ass vag, and also come up with this random family that no one knew I had.  Are you kidding me???? Nothing makes me more angry than people who are famous-er than me and for no good reason.

I get the Bret Michaels of the Poison days, for sure. No doubt I woulda been banging some sort of band member from the 80s if I wasn't 5 then.  But now that he's a washed up hasbeen and had some medical mishaps, I have to watch his family life and "wild shenanigans" on half assed cable television???? No thank you. Kenny Powers, lead me into some more solid washed up has been television programming. UGH.

a throwback story about your two fave bloggers

Posted by: Elyse

HE. IS. LEGEND.


So, back when these guys were still awesome (spring 09), miss Christie and I decided to take a little roadski trippy to Worcester, MA (MY HOMETOWN MOFUGGGA) to see them.  At this time I was still in upstate NY and xtiebitch was in western MA, so I drove my ass out to her house so that we could combine forces and wreak havoc.

So the whole way down we're slamming champagne outta styrofoam cups, and once we get there we are blasting shots of vodka straight out the cheap bottle. Needless to say we are effffffed up. And about to rock our faces off.  Once we're in there rocking out, my buddy Slippery Pete (no I'm not trying to be funny, thats his name I swear) is bartending and almost gets mandated by security to cut me off bc I'm wrecked but he doesn't.

So HIL comes out and we're fucking rocking the hell out, minding our bizniz when these two little 13 yr old skanks in front of us turn around and like SCREAM at the top of our lungs that we need to shut up and we sound like chipmunks. Ummmmmmmmmmmmm are you kidding me bitch???? First of all, we're standing in front of a monster amp and speaker so tell me that you can hear anything besides Schuylar Croom screaming his ball satchel off. Secondly, I could have birthed you and taught you how to rock out with our ripe age difference, but your lame Kenny G listening mama did it instead, so shut up and show some respect to your elders.

So me and xtie are like whatevs let's go relieve our bladders because they are full of ALCOHOL and you little bitches can't drink.  We're in the bathroom and since I'm seeing about 19 of myself in the mirror, I decide it's a great idea to give a sentimental lecture to this other small herd of tweenagers.  I'm all slurring my speech, dumping my budweiser on their hot pink converses and I'm like "Listenakdg.... you girlskangdaieh, you dont' even know how proud you making mekhagiehaek.... that you're like KEEPING THE SCENE ALIVE MANNNNihagoehgakeghidugh.  I fucking love you girls?!!!" And I'm pretty sure we group hugged and then being the cool twenty something yr old that I was, I was like "here, you guysssss... you just take this beer and you all split it and you girls have an aweeeesooomealkhgeoiahge time tonighhhht!"

They looked at me like I was Justin freakin Bieber.  Straight up worship.  I left that bathroom feeling like a goddess. and after that I remember nothing. apparently I vomited in a different bar's bathroom while Christie gave inspirational speeches to the homeless people of Worcester.
Thanks, He Is Legend!

an ode to blogging

Posted by: Elyse

IDK about you guys but I know that when I'm scrolling through someone's blog, if the title or the picture (yes, christie, I admit I know what you're talking about with the whole sucking them in with pictures thing) doesn't tickle my fancy, and there's a lot of writing, I probably won't read that post.

But then I give myself a solid ass slap and I'm like whooooa champ, it's not necessarily the outcome of the game, it's all the plays IN the game.  Terrible sports reference. Anyway, like, I only read hilarious blogs bc I don't care about world politics and boring shit.  Two of my faves are  www.stoollala.com and www.wwtdd.com.   Now these motherfuckers are FUNNY.  And even though sometimes their pics or titles don't draw me in, I read every single entry.  Because who cares what or who someone is talking about if whatever comes out of their mouth ABOUT the topic is pure comedic gold??? I want to date the dude from wwtdd.com on the reallllll.

That said, I've been super busy lately because I work two jobs and I kinda sorta found this new stud, and I've been ingesting as much Miller High Life as humanly possible, but for God sake's, do not just scroll through this blog bc the titles don't capture your Harvard bred attention. EFFIN SNOBS.  Just kidding.


PS. Someone get that man in or around my vagina. mmmmm

BOOGALOO

Posted by: Christie



Watch it, wait three seconds, watch it again, wait three more seconds, watch again, etc. notice something new and epic everytime. <3 The Office

you've let me down, drunk elyse

Posted by: Elyse

So last night I was at the bar and there was this kid that I knew outside and he's got a dazzling smile and blah blah.... anyway.  So he had a fake ID bc he's 20 and I know you guys are like wow Elyse, why are you hanging out with 20 yr olds, you ancient biatch, but for real, super melty smile that's all imma say.

Anywho, so he shows me his fake and he kinda looks like the kid and he can recite all the bizniz off of it so I guess he's golden.  And they have different names, obv.

SO TELL ME WHY THE HELL DID DRUNK ELYSE NOT GO FOR THE BEST THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID EVER....................................

"What should I call you when you're inside?"

Really???? I have to save this kind of creativity for the next morning????? No one is friends with sober Elyse, besides the Acacia Strain, let's stop joking around. ugh. so disappointed in myself. have an awesome day. I'm getting day drunk so I don't let an opportunity like this pass me by ever again.