Thank the sweet baby jesus for awesome people who know how to organize kick ass halloween events. my friend is getting everyone together for a haunted hayride dealy-o and I am soooo super psyched because I was nervous that these things didn't exist around here. Have you guys even been to a haunted forest or a haunted hayride??? sooo fun! But also, a little nerveracking. here's why.
So this dude I know who shall remain nameless used to work at this haunted forest that was near my old stomping grounds. I'd go a few times a year, poop my pants a little, scream like a bitch a little, but it was always fun. Anyway, I find out that this guy I know used to be the crazy ahole who runs around after you with the bladeless chainsaw. Annnnnd he also tells me that he used to do it all fucked up on tons of drugs. Like... WHAT?! What if he was so effed up one night that he forgot to take the chain thingy off? or, like, whatever inflicts chainsaw damage, IDK I'm not an Axe man.
And then knowing that little tidbit kinda makes me think about who are the rest of these creeps that work at these things? Walk through the foggy mist to Pedophile Dracula's lair. He probably pushes his coffin open with his massive erection as soon as he sees terrified preteen girls. Or what about furry bukake werewolf? I don't even want to think about what is matted into his mane, or where his grabby paws have been. I mean, what other job so perfectly suits a rapist/molester/creepaleep more than one where they get to hide their face and identity in a costume and quietly lurk around and follow people. No one can see their eyeballs, faces, boners, semen stains in the dark forests of halloween.
I am so thoroughly creeped out now. I just creeped myself out. Happy Halloween, take candy from strangers!
PS. now that I wrote that and look back at the picture I used..... is he carving up penises???? or feet?
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