I am fucking furious. I've been working two jobs, being busy as hell and then still partying so hard whenever I can. So this little lady is TIRED. SO tired. Like, even been blowing off my boyfriend to sleep. Sleep is so very precious to me. So I'm all excited because that jerk off Columbus ruined the Native Americans' entire existence but also provided a bank holiday. So I didn't have to work either job today and my goal was to sleep until like noon. I swore last night that if I woke up before 8am, my liver was going to take a beating from a bottle of nyquil.
This fine morning, I'm all snuggied up in my blankies in my cave of darkness bc I have one of those awesome, impervious to light pull down shades, and all of a sudden I'm awoken.
CAW. CAW. CAW. Ok, you fucking crow, that's cute. Now stop.
CAWCAW CAW CAWCAWCAW CAW CAW CAWWW CAW CAW. This motherfucker KEPT making that godawful noise. I finally pry my eyes open and peek out my shade and there he is. This lone black crow sitting directly outside my window FUCKING CAWING AT ME. It's like, bro, where are your friends? Go fly around and caw so that I only hear you in passing and can go back to bed. And then I do the unthinkable and check my blackberry. 7:57am. And he proceded to do it until 8:05am. EIGHT SOLID MINUTES of cawing. That's when I turned into the Hulk.
Oh, hell no, bird. I shoot my ass out of bed, in nothing but my skanky undies and a wifebeater, and barrel down the stairs. Grab a Chuck Taylor out of the closet and whip open my front door. I fired that sneaker at Mr. Crow soooo hard. It was a narrow miss, but he got the point. He ca-cawed his ass right out of my front yard. I still haven't retrieved my sneaker, but I also couldn't fall back asleep so I ate a bunch of cold pizza and a tater tot omelet. I might get my hunting permit today and shoot every fucking crow in Schoharie county.
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