I have a serious problem. I like, CAN'T talk to attractive men anymore. I freeze up and drool or get all red and silly.... When did this happen??? Maybe the high life gives me balls but I can't remember a time when I got too shy to talk to a dude.
You guys remember tall handsome deep voiced bank man who told me I was like his mom? Yeah well I'm still pining away after him, but now I have the entire staff at the bank plotting with me on how I'm going to get him to fall in love with me. Anyway, a Christmas miracle occurred and he left his debit card AGAIN so I called him all cutesy and left him a message that we had it and to come pick it up. So of course, out of the 7 hours that the bank is open, he comes in while i'm downstairs peeing. My manager RUNS to come get me, and I come upstairs with my best do me eyes and I'm like oh let me get your debit card for you. So after I hand it to him, he stands in front of my window talking to my coworker, and I"m just like dumbfoundedly staring at him and his hotness. And I can't say ANYTHING. I can't enter myself into the conversation at all. Just stand there, dumb looking, and I caught myself doing that awkward ear to ear grin that you can't stop yourself from doing when your mind is like "OMG LOOK AT THIS HOT GUY THAT YOU LOVE RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU." So now he just thinks I'm smiling like an idiot for no reason. yeah. Then he left.
And then today, I hit up the mini Rotterdam mall so I can get some adorable heels for work, and I'm slumming it in yesterday's makeup and my greasy hair. But I'm reppin the Acacia Strain hard (as usual), rocking their hoodie, strolling through the mall. Suddenly, like an angel from hardcore heaven, I see this gorgeous super scene man with his ears stretched and a baseball hat on, and a band tee and tons of tats and he's SOOOO HOTTTTT. And he walks by me and points at my sweatshirt and goes "I like your hoodie." What does Elyse do? fucking nothing. I'm fumbling over my words, trying so hard to get something, ANYthing out, that I say nothing and keep walking. My ideal man, who clearly loves good music, just acknowledged my love of good music and I can't formulate words. What is wrong with me????
I can't even make this shit up, seriously guys. How the hell do I re-learn to talk to attractive men? Because I can't go through my life constantly intoxicated (at which point I have NO problem talking to anyone. I'd probably talk to a squirrel carcus in the road, for real). I need some go to one line answers that I practice on the reg so I am prepared for these situations. I'm just gunna say over and over in my head "thank you, they rock balls" and hope that next time I habitually spit that line out, it's not in response to some hot guy saying "Hey, you have toilet paper stuck to your shoe."
Come practice on Massholes!
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