IIIII think I'm dying. some lumberjack fooled me into thinking he wasn't sick and then made out with me and now I'm sick and I'm like delirious because I've been falling in and out of sleep while watching the weirdest episodes of buffy the vampire slayer... yeah.
But, hey, you guys want to laugh at my sick expense? Here's a story for you. So at like 930 last night I'm on my way back from a meeting and I am dyyyyying for a bottle of nyquil and a box of puffs PLUS lotion bc this nose in need deserves puffs indeed. I hit up the ole Price Chopper bc nyquil is expensive and you're damn right I want to earn fuel savings from my purchases. But the Price Chopper in town is under heavy duty construction, trying to make it look like it wasn't built in 1863.
So I shuffle my ass down the drug aisle and I almost start crying. Leaned up against the ENTIIIIIIIIRE length of the shelf of nighttime druggies are like five 4 inch thick and 15 foot long huge heavy boards. I just stopped and stared helplessly, snots running down my face and I actually begged out loud: "construction workers??? help mee.... please? Construction guys?" Like pathetically begging for assistance and NOTHING. So I take matters into my own hands, and while juggling my purse, phone, keys (in hindsight, I def should have put my phone and keys IN my purse) and a box of tissues, I'm like trying to pry these heavy ass boards off the shelf so I can access the Nyquil.
When I finally think I see some price tags and there is light at the end of my tunnel, I see the dreaded, extra huge extra yellow tag that means Nyquil was on sale. Awesome, HOWEVER, now I have to fish around elbow deep in this miniscule crack I made for my arm to fit in because the smart consumers who came in during the day practically emptied the nyquil stock. I'm grabbing wildly, reaching for the first bottle I can find, praying to the sweet lord that it isn't the green kind. PLEASE DONT BE THE GREEN KIND.
Stop for a minute right here to picture me, bent over, lifting heavy ass boards, snuffling, practically crying, and talking to myself about how much I don't want the green death. It's so pathetic. So I pull my arm out and I have come up with a bottle of "vanilla cherry swirl" Nyquil. I almost barfed on the spot but, whatever, I got some. It felt like 10 years ago on Black Friday, beating down the doors of Toys R Us for a goddamn Furby.
I slam those boards back up against the shelf like I've had it with that place, and I turn around, and THERE WAS A CONSTRUCTION GUY IN THE PHARMACY WATCHING ME THE ENTIRE TIME. What a dick. I would have drank the whole bottle when I went home, but I feared having to go through that ordeal again tonight. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz............
No comments:
Post a Comment