shit that makes me mad

Posted by: Elyse


Hey! you guys wanna be on my "Shit that makes me mad" list tonight???? this is all you have to do,

1.  All you have to do is start off by being a migraine that i've had since Monday.  Not only did I barely consume any spanksgiving dins yesterday, I also had to go pass out in my den of darkness in my awesomely comfy bed with the shades drawn and lights off AND MISS MY EFFIN FOOTBALL GAME(which we won anyway, go pats) and have my peanut of a niece leave without saying bye. EFF YOU HEADACHE. and thank you excedrin migraine.

2.  I know you're 5 and all, but seriously, nephew???? Right in front of me, are you really going to "semi" consume a bologna lunchable???? all he ate was the bologna and the chips ahoy cookies.  Once every 3 months I'll buy  myself a $5 bologna lunchable as a super treat to myself for not being slutty and I will handcraft all 8 of those crackers, topped with bologna and then with filthy yellow american cheese and savor every second of it.  Meanwhile, my nephew just powers down 1/3 of it in front of me, and then tries to slap my hand away for wanting to eat his leftovers. WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE LITTLE BOY?????

3.  ARGGG so I roll home, angry from the bar, and my effin amazing bed that i've blogged and raved about.... none of the queen sized bedsheets that i buy for it legitimately fit the massive pillow top, so I have to play deputy bedsheets every single night and pull them all taught and beg them to stay tucked in on the corners.  There's nothing worse than trying to sleep when your legs are rolling over huge creases in the sheets from not being tucked in all the way. maybe I should go with kings.

4. GUYS WITH GIRLFRIENDS.  Creepbags who wanna make out/sexy time you when they are feeling it, and beg you all pathetically and you're just like "whatevs" with the upper hand, but then they totally skeeze out when they're with their actual GFs who are oblivious to the fact that their boyfriends are whores.  I'll never BE a cheater, but I'll make out with a cheater, until they hit skeezeball status.

5. D-bags who wanna ask me about my tattoos.  Ugh.  They are there for ME, not for you to muster up every possible strength you ever gained in 2nd grade reading class.  Not my fault if you can't read my right or left arm while I'm trying to order a beer, I didn't get these tats so that you could have story time/an excuse to hit on a hot chick at the bar.  If you can't read or make sense of 13 words in the 45 seconds it takes for the speedy bartenders to slide me another high life, you don't deserve to know what my ink is about. toolbag. I bet you have  a fucking tribal so suck it.

Unless you are the english muffin that I have just toasted to perfection and smothered in butter AND peanut butter, you can kill yourself.  I'm super irritated by tonight. but at least I blogged.