I couldn't even wait for that ho Christie to finish this page.

Posted by: Elyse

Hello readers who don't even know that you will become obsessive daily subscribers! My name is Elyse, and I just wanted to introduce myself and let you know a little about me.  Besides the fact that I worship Miller High Life (free advertising alert, but if I get famous off this shit you're gunna have to slap an ad on my page millerbitches), pretend that I'm a professional during the day at my bank job, live with my parents at the ripe age of 25, and snuggle up to my sweet orange creamsicle of a cat, Jake, every night.... ugh, nevermind, I just told you way too damn much.  You're gunna find out all the important (fun) stuff by reading this blog anyway.

One important fact that I will elaborate on so that you don't get your hopes up for excessive posting is the fact that I'm basically the laziest person you'll ever meet.  Besides deciding to do this blog with Christie, the most proactive thing I've done in months is hop on a class action lawsuit against my old employer to get some sweet free money that I did not deserve.  Oh, and when Christie decided to start the blog, all I had to offer was "you do the fancy shmancy internet domain stuff, I'm gunna go smoke a cigarette, be back in 7 mins."

Elyse's laziness also includes choosing just one sacred day every two weeks or so to shave my legs.  For example, if I wanted to do it on a Wednesday because I was feeling saucy, I'd probably put it off until the weekend on the chance that some random dude might end up stroking these stems.  Because god forbid I take a razor to the puppies twice in one week. (Not that I have poor hygiene, don't be repulsed, I'm pretty hot).

But boy let me tell you, when I put forth the effort to roll over in my queen sized bed and face my laptop (and close facebook for 5 seconds), do I LOVE laying the smack down in a sarcastic manner on all kinds of stuff.  I feel like it's really going to be an inspiring creative outlet and a way to display my unique and exquisitely sophisticated writing style.  It's almost like living my dream of getting my masters degree in public history and contributing articles of great importance for american historical journals..................... alllllllmost.

So now that I'm good and depressed, I'll go lay down and dream about some clever shit to say tomorrow. Nice to meet you!

xo, HxC