PANIC! at the walmart

Posted by: Elyse

So, anxiety. I really hope you guys will understand where I'm coming from with this. Otherwise you're just gunna think I'm batshit crazy.

So the other day, I get in the shower in the morning and I get all wet and then I go to squirt some soap on that weird poufy thing that all chicks use and I'm like oh crap I have like a drop of soap left, I'll have to go to Walmart.  So alright, washy washy scrubby scrubby. All clean.  Wash my hair, then go to lube it up with conditioner and guess what? The bottle makes that terrible empty-ish farting noise and blasts out the little bit that was left. And then in my head I'm like great, my parents think I have terrible shower gas.

Lube up the hair, rinse, then I'm ready to wash off yesterday's prostie make up.  Pump out a squirt of that and shake the bottle and THAT shit's almost empty too.... so now I'm getting irate, meanwhile trying to keep a mental list of all these supplies that I need at Walmart while it's 7am and I'm probably hungover and naked and vulnerable.

If you think it ends there, it doesn't. Because Elyse was also just about out of deodorant, black eyeliner, brown eyeliner AND mascara. Like, holy shit.  Why the hell does that always happen? I can't just run out of one thing every few weeks and then spend the $5 when it happens? No, I have to run out of 90% of my daily toiletries and all that shit so that when I go to Walmart, it looks like I'm gearing up for a serious evening of hookering and a serious morning of cleaning up afterwards.

So now I really DO need a list to bring into that hellhole with me.  And when I have a list, I have anxiety. Instant anxiety.  And then I'm all worried and sweaty when I get in there that people in Walmart are going to judge me based on what I'm buying.  I know, its totally ridiculous that I'm worried about ppl in Walmart judging me, since there's an entire website devoted to people judging people inside those safe haven walls (http://www.peopleofwalmart.com/, if you live in a cave).   And do not doubt for a minute if you see me on my phone in Walmart that I'm probably not actually talking to anyone.  I'm basically just avoiding having to socially interact with anyone who's going to judge my taste in conditioner.

AHHHHHHHHHHH I can't believe I just blogged about this, now I'm all worked up again. I hate you guys